I have been writing a little less frequently. Perhaps it’s my age, or maybe I wait until I have something to say that I believe is worthy of your time. Unlike my previous posts, this one is not about my art. It’s not even about quilting. It’s heartfelt backstory that I believe we can all connect with as makers.
As I write I am remembering the words of Saint Fancis of Assis “For it is in giving that we receive.”
I finished and mailed a set of five lap quilts. They have been sent to a group of women who are living in an assisted living facility in the south. A friend of my husband asked me to make these quilts a couple of months ago.
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This lovely man has the most generous spirit of anyone I have known. He exemplifies the “Christian” values of kindness, generosity, thoughtfulness, forgiveness, and humility. When he asked me to make five quilts he explained that he wanted to give them as a gift to a group of women who shared a couple of hours of TV in the evening with his longtime partner who recently moved from her home because of a struggle with memory.
He offered to pay me for these quilts - which I absolutely refused to take. Instead he sent me something better than money. In a two page letter he sent me the backstory behind the request.
After agreeing to send him five quilts I received a card thanking me and a thoughtful letter about “the ladies” I was making these quilts for. The idea to give this group a set of matching quilts was the result of his concern about a group of women who struck up a friendship at the end of their lives and had readily welcomed his partner making her transition much easier.
His concern wasn’t with their physical well being. It was the result of witnessing loneliness and neglect that often comes with the transition into in assisted living from a life lived in property often many miles away.
I want to share this with you, but I’m not gonna share their names or any specifics like the location, age, medical condition, etc… I have included three altered photographs.
He began his letter describing his motivation. He said that since his partner has been in this place, it breaks his heart to see how many people's families have forgotten about them. “There should be laws that the family must come and visit every two weeks if they live within 50 miles of the place.” I was touched when he thanked me not for what I was doing for these ladies, but instead what I was doing to ease his discomfort
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The backstory for the recipients of these quilts:
One was going to his long time partner. He really struggled with the decision made by himself and her daughters to sell her house and move her into this facility. She was no longer safe. Her memory loss has continued to deteriorate making it dangerous for her to be left alone.
“I guess if I was the kind of person that didn’t care about her, I could easily be somewhere else. But I am in this for the long-haul.” He makes sure to visit her almost daily. Her daughters call and visit, but not as often. He even was able to take her on a couple of RV getaways, although this may not be possible in the future.
Another recipient is a recent widow. Her son and only child graduated from college, married and moved out of the country. Contact with her family is limited despite potential Zoom or Facetime calling. According to him, she doesn’t really speak about her isolation but she clearly is in need of some extra love and attention. It seems the extended family has forgotten her.
One of the recipients is a member of his RV club. She has cancer but luckily she also has family who visit. He remembered a quilt I made for his RV. After she got the cancer diagnosis on one last RV trip, the quilt proved useful. In the evening around the campfire she really enjoyed wrapping it around herself to keep her warm. Now she has own quilt which will remind her of those days travelling with friends.
One of the recipients is a retired postal worker. Her family lives in a nearby state. They drove her to the facility. He remembered seeing her daughter dropping her off. She seemed nice but none of the family has managed to drive bakc except for a single visit on Christmas. She has been there 18 months.
Several days ago I got a note on a card with 5 cute kittens in colorful buckets each saying thank you. “Thank you so much for the blankets. The ladies were surprised. P…. and C… cried over someone giving them a gift. If you or your quilt group wants to do this for others in the home, I will give them out as well. Just wanted to express my gratitude.”
I have just sold the longarm which I used to for these lap quilts. My plan was to use my mid-arm and domestic machine for smaller work which sells in the gallery and is more likely to get into an “art vs quilt” exhibition. I didn’t think I would be making functional quilts in the future. I was wrong.
Like most art quilters, I do have a collection of random fabrics that can be cut up and paired with neutrals for several scrappy quilts. These projects are small enough to be quilted simply on either my domenstic or long arm. Over the summer will send a few more lap quilts off to for our friend to distribute. No deadline. Just doing a small task to help another person feel less isolated and forgotten.
There was more joy in giving these simple gifts than any sale or ribbon!
Until next time…..
Margaret
Lovely story and act of kindness. So sad that they have few to no visitors.